Milky way beyond the edge of Egypt's colossal Black and White desert 

Dear K,

At this moment I am clearing up things at my old apartment, and I somehow feel very sad. Yet about what, I cannot articulate. I've moved a few times in my life, at the age of 18, 22, 24, 25, 26 … Gosh, thank god that I have a home now. But still, I can foresee I will be moving to new places in the future. I may even have to live in this fashion throughout my life, given the nature of my job.

When I was young, moving seemed painless. Going to collage, graduating, working in ethnic Yunnan, studying in heavenly Hawaii, all these changes I embraced with excitement and hope. Since when is moving such a sad thing? All those sorting, discarding, packaging, re-using boxes - I need to travel multiple times back and forth for a lack of boxes, storing things in my new apartment and at the same time letting the furniture ventilate … that's too much for me to take in only a few days, especially when I am still working and have to deal with an uncooperative chief worker.

The physical labor is bad. The sentiment that comes with it is worse. Maybe it's a bad idea to start with the books. Over the years, I've thrown away many books when I move. All my college textbooks are gone. This time, I started to throw away books I hadn't yet read, or ones bought in my teen years, read once but unlikely to be touched again. Some of them were tough decisions. You know, throwing them away sort of feels like throwing away life. I had to give up some clothes too. There were ones I had brought to Egypt, never wore and brought back to China. I remember the days I did wear them. Those were a long time ago. They still look decent, but I've stopped wearing them. Maybe it's just the habit of picking newer things from the wardrobe.

All of a sudden, I felt so wasted. I started to reflect on my life. I can't seem to find anything meaningful, any thing I truly rejoiced in. And I lamented the passage of time. Gone with it, is my passion for life, appreciation for beauty, and all the people who I had laughed and sweat with. I miss Elaine and Christine. Although they are only a phone call away, but it's social etiquette not to call them just to say hello. I miss the days I could just walk across the hall to hang out with them, and some silly sitcom was enough to make us giggle away. I guess what truly I miss is a young heart. I feel life has leveled off for me.

I thought of you. All these years, you've been in my life. You have always shown me the strength and power of a young heart. When I said you are always a boy to me, I sincerely meant it. I recall you taught me that it's the small things that make life good, like a sniff on a flower, a delicious meal with loved ones, a walk around the lake, a little money to a street artist … Did you know till this day, I stop to smell flowers from time to time? I may look very strange to people passing by, but I thank you for showing me this simple way of appreciating life.

I started this email while cleaning out my cupboard at home. Now I am at a training academy in a northern suburb, where I am going to train for two days on news editing before returning to the moving business. It's a beautiful all-inclusive compound, cafeteria, garden, swimming pool. However, all of these seem so earthly to me. I guess I need you to be here, to smell a flower with me, to walk through the garden with me, to give me a reassuring hug and tell me everything will be just right.

Dear Ken, how did you feel when you packed up and moved to a new place. Did you also think of crazy things like I do?

Wish you were here,


Hi L,

You are a sensitive and nostalgic girl, so it is natural for you to feel a bit emotional, but you need to remember that change is the only constant in life, and we all have to accept it, but it is often difficult to embrace, especially as we age.

In addition to these points, you have entered the "real life" ~ you have responsibilities and need to deal with the hassles of life; working, paying bills and dealing with others, including dealing with people that may not be such nice people and some of those individuals may have power over us, which makes life not so joyful. Plus, you have had some issues with your new place that haven't always gone smoothly to add more stress to your life.

You are also missing the joy of youth and the freedom it gives you. When we are younger there are so many things to look forward to and at a younger age we have a positive and optimistic view of the future. As we get older and acquire more life experience, we are less positive and hopeful about the future.

I have moved so many times and one of the difficult things is planning what to keep and what to leave behind, but as we get older we pick up more and more things, which makes it that much more difficult to know what to give up and what to hang on to. Every time I move, I find I have more and more stuff to move. And it never gets easier !

I do thank you for your kind words, and I still believe it is the little things in life that make life enjoyable. I still stop to smell flowers and watch children or animals at play, and yeah, I still like a good meal with friends and I am a hiker so walking in a natural place is always a joy !

Focus on the little things in life that make you happy, and do your best to deal with the struggles of life, and I think you can phone your friends and send emails too ! ;-)

Take care and be happy,



碎碎念 [Reflections off my chest]





此后,我们见了两次。两次都造成失眠,特别是第一次。真心怀疑当晚的咖啡是否真是低因。我很想high five自己把持住了自己,在K明显在计划一种失控的时候。我和他,似乎回到了一种自己长久以来就像达到的境地,真心的朋友,可以一起share很多事情,一起笑,一起闹,一起品尝各色美食,同时无边际得聊。也许,以后我们还可以一起用功和一起思考。想想,这其实是我对伴侣一种最理想化的遐想啊。Whatever。


最近发现,尽半年前发生的那件事仍然阴魂不散。而一些人出于阴暗的心理做出的一些事,只想借用华妃娘娘的话,“贱人就是矫情”。突然,我回到了那个十二岁的自己,那时也遇上过一些矫情人,在之后的三年乃至六年,我算是让“贱人”尝到了“payback is a b*tch”。也许这将会是adolescence all over again。


Little things Mon & Dad did for me...

An art studio/shop on Montmartre, Paris.

1. First ever cream-top birthday cake with my name on it. It blew my mind. The Taste was to die for... I was six. Before that, I never saw or ate any birthday cakes at any of my friends' home. I didn't know such a thing existed. My Mom was kind of trailblazer.

2. The red light-air balloon tethered to the front of my Dad's bike. He was coming home from work, and I was playing with other kids in the neighborhood. So excited to see the dot of flaming red hanging over my Dad, approaching. It was one of those long hot but shiny summer days.

3. The thick compilation of abbreviated classic adventurous stories my Mon bought for me at a market stall. It got me interested in reading. Those were masterpieces adapted to children's capability. I felt closer to the sort of intellectual I always wanted to pull off.

4. When I got intoxicated in reading all kinds of children's monthly magazines, Mom was incredibly supportive. She had hopes, dreams and faith in me.

5. Mom encouraged me to reach for the stars when I decided to apply for graduate studies. "You aim for the best school. If you fail, you look for a job." I should've taken her advice. Though it was her instinct not rationality talking.









佛还说过,要有一颗平常心,接受自己和别人的不同,做好自己,回看自己的人生,没有悔恨是不可能的,但却要努力做到越活越聪明,要不然之前的路岂不白走了?Bon Jovi唱过,welcome to where you are,就是这个道理。


今天,想他 [Still missing him]












2015之戒 [Lust Caution]





樊篱之外,我终于来了 [Out the fence, here I came]



2015年,找到世间万物的平衡——谨慎而潇洒,坚持而从容,追求而淡定……啪啪身上的尘土,拉上行李再度启程,所谓pick it up and dust it off。









Zaragozo-Fiesta del Pilar


夏威夷-Pali Lookout